Happy Holidays!

This year’s Christmas poem is a repeat from 2012 because I thought we could all use a laugh:

I’m trying to write a Christmas song,

God, why is this so tough?

I have no musical talent and my rhyming’s kinda rough.

But it shouldn’t be so hard to string some words together,

Say something about Santa and stars or maybe sing about the weather.

(Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow)

I could try to be serious this year, sing about some modern woe

Songs by Bing and Bowie and the Alarm cover that pretty well though.

I could sing about missing Christmas with the someone that I love

But I’m pretty sure another sad song would make you all give me a shove.

(I’ll Be Home for Christmas…)

Maybe I should sing of sleighs! Of reindeer or snowmen or drummer boys!

Or maybe I should scrap this thing and go buy the kids their toys.

I could sing of New Year’s Eve instead, of hopes for where next year will go,

Or of how it’s just another night. Oh wait, that’s been done by Barry Manilow.

(It’s just another New Year’s Eve…)

Where’s the romance of holidays, the falling in love on a sleigh?

Maybe that’s what I should sing about: being merry and gay!

That’s it! I’ll sit up all night long, wait for a cute Santa to come by

Or maybe an Elf (of Legolas’s kind), I’m a geeky kinda guy!

(I’mma be under the Mistletoe with you…)

May you have a rock-and-roll Christmas, or one that’s White or Green or Blue.

May you have Nights Holy and Silent, be it Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice or Yule.

May the Love and Light of the season

Warm you and keep you safe.

Merry Christmas, 

Happy Hannukah,

Joyous New Year!

2018 Holiday Poem

‘Tis The Season…

To set the table and lay the feast

However plentiful or meager –

The intent matters more than the amount

To welcome those who bless us with their presence

However long or short the stay –

The quality matters more than the span

To celebrate the good and acknowledge the bad

As they affect us in equal measure –

What matters is how we grow from them

So lay out the cookies and milk for Santa with cheer,

And fruit and nuts for Dasher and the reindeer;

Lay out bread and water for the holy husband, mother and child,

And wine and cheese for the roaming revelers wild;

Lay out fishes and meat for the loved ones living,

Leave equal amounts for the dear departed, midnight-visiting.

Light a candle in the window,

Leave a seat at hearth or table,

For the homeless wanderer or

Neighbor in need, as far as you’re able.

“For whatever you do for the least of these,

You do for me.”

May the light and love of the season bring you

Love, Hope, Peace and Prosperity.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

HAPPY HANUKKAH,

JOYOUS SOLSTICE,

AND A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

Frankenstormsnoreastercanepocalyptigeddon

I tweeted earlier today “So which is it? #frankenstorm or #snoreastercane? Or maybe “frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalpytigeddon?” And then my friend and coworker Regan pointed out how well that fit with “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” and a parody was born. Note: I will not be recording this — but if someone else wants to, just give us proper credit!

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon.

Could this be the perfect storm that everyone is fretting

Or will it be a big ol’ bust that we’ll all be regretting?

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Because we were afraid of storms
Disasters by the score,
Forecasters gave our fears a form
and kept us feeling sore
And then one day we heard a word
to sum up all our woes,
The biggest word you ever heard
and this is how it goes… Oh!

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon.

Could this be the perfect storm that everyone is fretting

Or will it be a big ol’ bust that we’ll all be regretting?

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle aye

I travel all around the world
And everywhere I go
I dress for weather of all types
For earthquake and tornado.
When forecasters try to pass
the time of day with me
I say my special word and then
they ask me out to tea. Oh!

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon.

Could this be the perfect storm that everyone is fretting

Or will it be a big ol’ bust that we’ll all be regretting?

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon

(Spoken): Of course you can say it backwards, which is

“gedd-apocalypti-cane-snoreaster-storm-nekfran”

But that’s going a bit far, don’t you think?

So when the forecast has got you down
There’s no need to dismay
Just summon up this word and
Laugh at every word they say.
Let’s just hope they’ve got it wrong

And Sandy will blow past
Cause when they get it right on us
We’ve never moved so fast. Oh!

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon.

Could this be the perfect storm that everyone is fretting

Or will it be a big ol’ bust that we’ll all be regretting?

Frankenstormsnoreastercaneapocalyptigeddon